TAKING CARE OF YOU

Dad: I know that mom reads what I write here so this is just as much for your sake as it is her's...I am sorry.  You mom has been so unbelievable allowing me to work, sleep, go the gym and get random things done that help her in no way when it comes to taking care of you.  In a normal day I probably spend less than 2 hours actually taking care of you (and a lot of that includes simply holding you while you sleep).  I messed up the other day and actually fell asleep with you on me and then proceeded to almost let you drop to the floor from the couch.  The sad thing is that I was so dead asleep that I probably would not have even noticed.  It scared her and it scared her bad.

From day one with you I have slept through your crying and it really bothers your mom.  It scares me too, and I'm not sure why I have not been more attuned to awaking to my crying baby.  I can not sit here and simply say "I'll be better" because I don't know how to all of a sudden learn to be more alert while asleep, although I truly hope that I change in the days, weeks, months and years to come, otherwise I feel like I am letting you both down.

When I am awake I get very frustrated very quickly and easily.  I don't get mad at you, but I certainly get upset quickly at the situation.  I thought that you hated me the first few weeks you were home.

I could not hold or talk to you without you crying like crazy.  I always have been a good baby and dog person.  It always seemed like babies and animals just loved me and I assumed my own child would be the same way.  I was wrong and it has been frustrating.

I know that I can't feed you when you are hungry and I know that I speak loudly and have a rough chin to rub up against, but it still baffled me that you seemed to dislike me so much.  Things are getting better and you do seem like you are starting to warm up to me.  I am able to get you to calm down in some cases and I have started bottle feeding you once every day or two.  I believe things between you and I will get even better in the near future.

I am trying to talk to you more and play with you more.  When you are upset I am trying to calm you down more as well.  That is something I should not have to tell you but unfortunately I have not always been that way.  For the last few weeks I felt like letting you just cry when I knew I could not feed you and I knew your diaper was clean was the best approach.  I was wrong.  From everything that I have read, you aren't ready for me to just let you cry it out.  You are still scared and still unsure of the world, I need to be there for you.  And I will be better about it.  I promise. I love you too much.

Mom: Even though I had read it in books or seen it in movies, I never in a million years believed that taking care of a baby was ACTUALLY like having a full time job, but let me tell you little girl, its EXACTLY like having a full time job, only MORE time consuming.

The best way for me to explain what I do to take care of you on a daily basis, is to give you an example of a day in the life of me (the last month at least):

7:00am: We (you and I) wake up

7:15-8:00am: I feed you

8:00-8:15am: I burp you, change your diaper and clothes

8:30-9:00am: You cry and I try to comfort you

9:00am: I change your diaper again

9:15-10:00am: I feed you

10:00am: I change your diaper

10:00-10:30am: you sleep (finally)

10:30am: You wake up and start crying (I change your diaper)

10:30-11:00am: I feed you

11:00am-12:00pm: I hold you and lull you to sleep (and somewhere in there I change your diaper)

12:00-1:00pm: I feed you

1:00pm: I change your diaper

1:00pm-2:30pm: You sleep

2:30pm: You wake up, you cry, I change your diaper

2:45-3:30pm: I feed you

3:30pm: I change your diaper

3:30-4:30pm: You look around

4:30pm: I change your diaper

4:45-6:00pm: You sleep

6:00-7:00pm: I feed you

7:00-9:00pm: You cry and then sleep

9:00-9:30pm: I wake you up and feed you

9:30pm: I change you and swaddle you and put you to sleep for the night

9:30pm-12:30am: You sleep

12:30-1:30am: I feed you, change you, and swaddle you

1:30-4:30am: You sleep

4:30- 5:15am: I feed you, change you and swaddle you

5:15-7:00am- You sleep

7:00am: We wake up and do it all over again :)

The above timeline changes daily, and even weekly, when you were younger you slept more and the older you get you are actually spending more time awake and looking around.

Needless to say, taking care of you is a 24/7 job that can be both incredibly rewarding and incredibly exhausting.

I may say a few negative things from time to time, but truth be told I LOVE YOU more than anything and that's all that matters.